What doesnt kill you……

Experience in life is an important tool that builds you, but of course it depends on how you view your experience.. Sometimes it builds a stronger you and sometimes it tears you down. As for myself, I feel stronger , never felt this way before in my life. I’ve gone through a lot for my age. I’ll be repetitive if I’ll mention what I had experienced..I thought I’ve stated clearly who and what I am on my previous blogs. Though i did not really state specifically but I think I’ve said a lot. i wouldn’t say those if I have no basis because I am not that stupid to put myself in contempt or shame. Oh now, I end up explaining myself to myself though I should not..ha ha ha…OK stupid me! Anyway those experiences did not kill me..more people despise me, I know. Words cant kill me anyway.  What is in me that people don’t like..ha ha.I’m just wondering but I don’t care at all..I don’t give a damn! I just pick up my broken pieces and go back in the rain where I should be..

In fact, there are some life experiences  that trigger mental illnesses. Worst life experiences sometimes lead to that..People do not use trials as a vehicle to be strong but instead to succumb and fall down..To those people, what doesn’t kill them makes them worst, frustrated, lame and incapable..

Life gives us enough trials to make us strong..Am I frustrated? no!, lame? no!
incapable? no!..We win from losing..That’s life..
What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger..

Heartbreaking Reality

I remember playing “Darfur is Dying”. It is an online game and it breaks my heart everytime I play it. All are aware of human sufferings but can do nothing about it. Darfur is suffering from famine, drought and genocide! I don’t know the onset of the conflict but it is very inhumane to just kill innocent civilians..I really hate the government. I hate our government and I hate all the leaders. Shame on them! I hate George Bush for spearheading the war in Iraq. It is really an unjust movement just to disarm Iraq from mass destructions. Saddam Hussein was not the only leader who committed a crime against humanity because most leaders are..It is very unreasonable to exterminate human beings just for the sake of world peace. It is a fight against terrorism but not against humanity. Brutality is not the solution in achieving the said world peace. I may not even know the situations why every cruelty against humanity occurs but I am in my sane mind to distinguish the right or more humane act to best solve any existing world problems from inhumane one.

It is very disturbing to see such a place in a grim situation. I totally dislike any war as an intervention to any conflicts..

i am weird and I’m loving it..

I write when I’m down. I write when I’m happy. I write when I’m on the heights of my emotion. I write when I’m inspired. I write when I’m confused. In short, I write all the time. I coudnt express myself to people because I’m often misunderstood. I am difficult to understand.When I was a young, I had lots of diaries. I was playful but also aloof. I was a loner but not lonely..I could not give more details of my childhood. It’s not that I have a painful childhood..but I can tell you, I cried a lot..
When I became a teen, life was even more challenging. I had great ideas. Ugh..well, I hate school..They say High school is the happiest moment of studying..I did not feel that way. I hate to study. I hate doing projects. I just want to do what I want to do. I just want to be where i wanna be..My favorite place was one of our rooms. When you open the window each morning, you’ll see God’s creatures. WOW! Almost everything what your eyes want to witness before you start the day. Well, I appreciate those things, those simple things. I hope I’m not the only one who appreciates those. I ddaydreamed a lot in school. I felt I was different. I dunno why I felt that way. I really don’t know. I think differently, act differently. But I always knew I’m normal of course. I have answers now to my questions. Studying Psychiatric Nursing helped me fill up the blanks. Ha ha.. I am crazy..I am weird and loving it..I love being weird.. I  know the answers to my questions and never doubt my beliefs at all.
I have few real friends or let’s say none at all..ha ha..I can be anybody’s real friend. Until now, I’m a loner. I love being me. Friends are just anywhere..You go out to the neighboring houses,hit the road and you’ll find them. I am a friend of the world. You don’t have to say ” can we be friends ” for me to treat you as a friend. I can be your friend even if I don’t know you. That’s what I think of friendship.

I have many potentials..But i realized I am a master of nothing. I’m the kind of person who never do a single thing at a time. I am a multitasker. I do things all at a time. Do I know what I’m saying? Yes of course..I realized as I look back in time that all what i’ve been trying to accomplish were  memories of failure..I did many things but I accomplished nothing. ha ha..I just laugh. Am I a happy person? Yes I am….Not fulfilled but happy..The past cannot be changed. But faliures and mistakes are tools of wisdom to have a fulfilled life. Isn’t it? I don’t live in the past..I just live what life presents to me.